Voices

The running dialogue that undercurrents my life and subconscious thoughts holds itself taunt, in a stick straight line containing these two opposing suggestions: I am no one special, whom no one really likes, who will never really succeed and, I am everything wonderful, number one itself, deserving all the best of honor, success, and first place in every line. It is a tiresome tightrope walk through day to day, balancing these thoughts and trying to fight or contradict one or the other without pause. Can you identify? Half of me feels I'm so undeserving of God fulfilling His desires - our dreams - for my life, while the other half says I am being robbed at every turn of all the rights and privileges belonging to me. How to quite these thoughts, both destructive and inaccurate? Jesus. He gave His Life, He emptied Himself, He forsook His rights and offerred me Himself. Whether people like me or not, He pursues me. Whether the dreams I have stored deep in my soul for the brief moments I'll be given on earth unfold the way I wish or not, He has lived the model I can follow for a meaningful existence: servanthood. Acceptance. Grace. Selflessness. Whether my subconscious calls me number one or bottom rung, Queen or pauper from day to day, Jesus is the All and Everything. Be silenced, running dialogue, that the Lord of intimacy might whisper His truths. Loved. Remembered. Treasured. Lost and swallowed up in the grace of God. May these be the new words repeating in my ear, and yours, each day. Forever loved we are.